Day 1 of Attempting Change

I went to bed last night with great plans for getting up early and hitting my treadmill. I would wear my comfortable new sneakers, have a full bottle of water ready and listen to my workout music on my iPhone. The alarm went off at 5am and I realized I had assumed my other personality, the person I wanted to be, would have prepared all the essentials. I had no idea where my comfortable new sneakers were. My water bottle was 3/4 emply and I wasn't about to travel all the way downstairs to fill it. My iPhone was almost out of juice. I quickly caught on to the fact that I was sabotaging my workout. I thought about this for 35 minutes and finally got out of bed, mainly because I had a full bladder. Given that I was up, I decided to stick to my plan and get on the treadmill. I told myself any duration on it was useful and I wasn't going to force myself to a time. Not the first day. Not the first week. I took my 1/4 full water bottle, opened iTunes on my computer, donned my slippers, and stepped onto the treadmill. I told myself that even 10-15 minutes would be a step in the right direction! After only a few minutes, I felt that familiar calmness that comes when I put aside my anxieties and focus on my stride. I enjoy it. I like the feeling of being on the treadmill and getting into a rhythm. Why then do I struggle with making the time, making the effort? I did a whopping 17.5 minutes. That included warm up and cool down. But I did it. I wasn't worn out after 17.5 minutes, I just had to get on with the rest of my day. I congratulated myself for the 17.5 minutes I did today as it was 17.5 more minutes than I did yesterday, or the day before, and many days before that. It was a start. I didn't begin this to kick off the new year. I found myself in a rut that was getting deeper and deeper. I found myself spending too much time thinking about the person I wanted to be, the person I thought I would be, and not being much of a fan of the person I am. As I walked at a medium pace on that treadmill, I thought about how tired I was of not living up to my own expectations. I decided that the best way to stop harrassing myself in my own mind was to put it out there for anyone to see, to have fun with it. So here I am, day 1 of making small changes in my life and letting everyone know it. Maybe tomorrow I'll have my sneakers by the treadmill so I don't have to wear my slippers. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a full bottle of water and will try a steep incline and sweat away my thoughts. Maybe tomorrow I'll get out of bed for a second day in a row and just get on that treadmill.